Showing up as yourself in a room designed for someone else is a reality most people don’t sign up for. Although you usually end up leaving that room a little sharper and smarter, you also leave far more guarded. I work in the legal world as a legal researcher in intellectual property. I focus on analyzing the product, some tangible and some not, and formulate arguments to back the client I’m working for. In this world, women are even more undervalued and underrepresented. My experience changed how I think about identity, risk, what it means to belong, and work in general.

As of 2024 only about 18% of patent filings internationally are for women.  Although it is a bit higher in trademarks and about 41% in copywriting, the point is, it’s a man’s world and I’m just working in it. In my firm alone there has never been a female named partner. I’ve seen it change partner names 6 times in the last 10 years and never has a woman been up for consideration. While I genuinely like my boss and have been with him for a while, these are just things that are happening. I’ve had to do a lot of mind shifts and create survival tactics to not only survive but thrive in a male dominated world.

The first lesson I had to learn and come to terms with was picking up on the invisible rules in the industry. For me, the most disruptive thing was that the rules aren’t written anywhere. Meetings have an unspoken hierarchy, and credit moves through informal networks. Assumptions decide who is the best fit for each case. Once I started seeing those invisible rules, I was able to sort of neutralize the playing field. I learned to translate unwritten expectations into actions. I tested to see if the culture was adaptable or if I’d never be able to grow there. I stopped taking it so hard when I didn’t fit with the culture, so I missed out on the project.

I also had to shift my mindset to strategy over stamina. When you’re one of the only women in the room, grit alone doesn’t really get you what you want. I had to swap from the outwork everyone mindset, to making more strategic moves. I prioritized leverage. I figured out what battle is worth the effort. One good argument can move the needle, so I invested myself in that. I also built mini wins. This proved outcomes not intentions and that’s all that matters in the end. I also learned quickly to conserve my energy for negotiations and decisions that matter. Again, picking and choosing my battles. Eventually it became less about proving I could keep up and more about being a part of the solution for the win.

Emotional armor was also incredibly important for me. There’s an emotional cost to being the person who smooths everything over all the time. It’s exhausting. I learned to trade performative agreeableness for things I could enforce. I made the process my friend. I was clear with my agendas, pre read briefs over and over so I knew them backwards and forwards. I learned to be open about expectations in advance. Saying I’ll have a certain project done by a certain time and delivering showed accountability, and it made sure that my work belonged to me, and it wasn’t someone else’s talking point. Boundaries stopped feeling mean, they started feeling like a reliability tool.

Implementing all these things taught me a few different lessons about identity and power. Identity is portable. I had to stop investing my worth in someone else’s hierarchy. Power is procedural. Creating a process gives you more influence without performing. Agency is cumulative. Consistent decisions about how you work add into the life you control. In short you show up and you show out, professionally of course. Learn the rules and then make your own. Treat setbacks as experiment results not flaws. Build boundaries that protect your energy.

Being a woman in a room full of men reshaped how I think. I am less reactive, more structured, and far better at showing my value so it can’t be ignored. The not so fun parts taught me where to place my energy and how to turn friction into strategy. If you’re reading this and it makes sense to you, just remember you are not alone. There are professional ways to turn those lessons into leverage. You are capable and you can do it. No one determines your worth but you. 

XOXO,

Savi Monroe